The Skimpy Barmaid

This poem is based on a true story but was written for a laugh

      THE SKIMPY BARMAID

Word got out to Noreena, that there was a Skimpy in Nullagine,
Daryl and the lads are rushing to the shower they’re not wasting time.
Now she maybe a fantasy conjured only in their wildest dreams,
But she’ll bring the publican business or at least that’s how it seems.

But Chrikey its cold tonight and she’ll working bare of chest,
Serving all them drunken patrons, leering at her breast.
Listening to lewd remarks about what they’d like to do,
Just imagine ladies, if they said things like that to you.
But if she does her job right, they’ll all have brewers droop,
And they’ll be about as handy, as a fly floating in your soup.

Now they tell me Daryl was inebriated when he left the bar,
And while waiting for the Skimpy fell asleep in a blooming spa.
And I heard that she was beautiful, that she really was a stunner,
That she had the grace and poise of a hundred metre runner.

But while them other fellas sit mesmerised by a barmaids’ nipple,
Me, I’ll stay at home and drink coffee, laced with my favourite tipple.
I’ll maybe think about my younger days and perhaps a barman’s ugly mug,
When we bought beer by the can or carton, not this rubbish in a jug.
I tell you things have changed; they have these half naked barmaids now,
But why should I go to town to see what I see all day;
                                                              Between the back leg’s of a cow.

© Corin Linch July 1999. Rewrite 8/11/07

Another true story, there was a motor bike do, in Nullagine a few years ago and word got out to Noreena that a Skimpy was in town, the lads nearly knocked a hip down getting through the shower room door they were in that much of a hurry. The reports next day, of her outstanding beauty and features had me wondering if I should have gone in to town. Yes, Daryl was supposed to have a date with her and yes he did fall asleep in the spa.